Praise is powerful. A simple “Good job!” can light up a child’s face—but did you know that how you praise your child matters just as much as what you say?

Research shows that the right kind of praise helps kids develop confidence, motivation, and even better problem-solving skills. Let’s dive into the science of effective praise and how you can use it every day to support your child’s growth.

Why Praise Matters

• Builds Self-Esteem – Kids who feel seen and appreciated develop stronger self-worth.
• Encourages Learning – Praise fuels curiosity and effort.
• Shapes Behavior – Positive reinforcement helps guide choices.

But praise isn’t one-size-fits-all. In fact, too much of the wrong kind can have the opposite effect.

Types of Praise (And Which One Works Best)

❌ Person Praise – Focuses on who the child is:

• “You’re so smart!”
• “You’re the best artist!”

While this sounds kind, it can make kids fear failure or stop trying new things to avoid losing their “label.”

✅ Process Praise – Focuses on what the child did:

• “You worked really hard on that drawing.”
• “You kept trying even when it was tricky.”

This type of praise helps children develop a growth mindset and resilience.

Tips for Praising Effectively

1. Be Specific

Instead of “Good job,” say, “I noticed how you shared your toys with your sister today.”

2. Focus on Effort and Strategy

Praise the hard work, focus, or creative thinking—not just the outcome.

3. Avoid Comparisons

Don’t pit kids against each other. Say, “You stayed calm during that tough moment,” rather than, “You did better than your brother.”

4. Balance Praise With Encouragement

Sometimes, “I believe in you” or “Keep going” can mean more than praise.

5. Praise Character and Values

Highlight kindness, honesty, patience, or courage when you see it.

Examples of Smart Praise

• “You didn’t give up when the puzzle got hard—that’s determination!”
• “I love how you took your time with your handwriting.”
• “You helped clean up without being asked. That was thoughtful.”

Common Mistakes to Avoid

• Overpraising everything – it can lose its meaning.
• Using praise to control behavior – children may become praise-dependent.
• Praising only results – children may avoid challenges for fear of failing.

Conclusion

Praising your child the right way helps them become strong, confident, and resilient. By focusing on effort, process, and values, you teach them that success isn’t about being perfect—it’s about trying, learning, and growing.

So next time your child builds a block tower, draws a picture, or shows kindness, take a moment to notice how they did it—and let your praise become a tool that lifts them up for life.

Sources:

• American Psychological Association – Praise and Motivation
• Mindset Works – Carol Dweck’s Research
• Zero to Three – Building Confidence in Children

Photo by Natalie Kinnear on Unsplash